What to do if you feel anxious
/It was Sunday afternoon. I'd enjoyed brunch with my parents, a little "family jam" time with my dad on the guitar (that's our new thing), and I was headed home to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Somewhere between leaving their house and arriving back at my own home, I felt it coming on.
This little beast crept in almost unnoticed until I realized that I didn’t feel at ease. My stomach hurt. Breathing seemed a little hard. The swirls of negative self-talk banded together, becoming waves that crashed against my consciousness with increasing fury.
It's here again, I thought. Anxiety.
I've spent years working with clients who suffer from anxiety, but I've only recently been able to identify it in real time when it's happening to me. Now that I'm out of it, I can't even tell you what it was that I felt so anxious about. I do remember at the time that it felt amorphous then, too.
Have you ever experienced general anxiety where you're not even sure what it’s all "about”? What did you do to get out of it?
Luckily, I literally teach tools to others to help them work through anxiety in their lives, so I had some things to work with. And WORK it was.
In the past, I would have been way more likely to dissolve into a crying puddle on the floor. Though crying puddles totally have their time and place, I was able to manage my way through this without things getting more intense than they already were. But what I also did was build some new pathways in my brain that will help me the next time all this stuff comes up.
If you struggle with anxiety, here are a few things to try the next time it comes on:
Do something around the house. In one moment, I decided to just do the simple task of changing the bed sheets. It was on my Sunday chores list anyway, and it was something that didn't take too long, required minimal effort, and gave me a sense of accomplishment quickly. It also gave me a place to lie and shed a few tears for a moment afterwards. There's something comforting about plopping down onto an already made bed—rather than a messy unmade bed. At least to me it says, "I might have some messiness on the inside, but I have the power to create order around me."
Go for a walk. Getting outside is always a helpful thing to do. I took my dog on a walk, got out into the sunshine, and experienced the sounds, sights, and smells in the neighborhood. All this helped me get out of the zone of weirdness I was experiencing.
Make some tea. This is helpful for two reasons: tea helps us slow down a bit because we need to let it steep. It both requires our attention and gives us space. This is especially true with herbal tea, as I tend to let it steep a little longer than green or black tea. Plus, many herbs out there help the body deal with stress. Two of my favorites for this are Oatstraw and Nettle. I made myself a blend of Spearmint, Tulsi, Oatstraw, and Nettle that was both sweet and nourishing for the heart.
Move your body. I've learned that this is sometimes the #1 thing I need to do when I’m stressed. So, while my tea was steeping (for about 20 min.), I decided to exercise—which was mostly just me keeping my body moving to music that I enjoyed. With the timer set for the tea, I was able to focus on this one task for myself.
Meditate. After some movement and further reflection, I realized I hadn't meditated in a few days. I've gotten into a groove over the past few months by using the Insight Timer app. (Side note: having a regular meditation practice is like anxiety insurance - I was able to draw on the all the times I meditated without anxiety, and this helped put me in a more neutral state, making it easier to drop into this space when I was fairly triggered.) I used box breathing, which is when you count to 4 on the inhalation, hold for a count of 4, exhale to a count of 4, and hold again for a count of 4. This simple practice was very doable and distracting enough for me to let the anxious thoughts go a little—or at least, I was able to watch them and feel less of a charge around them.
Phone a friend. You know that I get so much out of talking with my friends, and this was one of those times. After all this, I spent an hour talking with a friend who is a good listener, also experiences anxiety, and had kind advice for me. I also went on another walk while we talked, which got me moving my body even more.
It took all of these steps and all of Sunday afternoon to get me out of this funk, but you know what, I did get out of the funk! There have been so many times in my life when I didn't even know that what I was experiencing was anxiety, and I haven’t always been as proficient in using the tools available to me. It takes practice.
If you experience anxiety, the #1 thing to keep in mind is to be easy on yourself.
If you're like me, then harsh self-judgement is often what does you in. This can really become a cyclone of thoughts that beat you down over time.
I'm learning more and more ways to practice self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-love. It's work that never ends, but it sure is worth it.
What I listed above is what worked for me this past weekend, but I want to know, what do you do to shift yourself out of an anxious state? Leave me a comment and let me know.
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