'More Control' Isn't What You Need -- and Here's Why
/This post is a part of a series; if you want to start at the beginning, read this first.
Even as I began writing this post, I already started doing the thing I’m trying to tell you not to do.
My head started spinning around these ideas: "How can I best get this message across? It's a big one. I really want them to get this. What if I don't write the ‘right ‘ things? What if they don't even read it? ..."
When I'd teach high schoolers about writing, I would always ask if they had any younger siblings. Then I'd ask, "What does it look like when they have a temper tantrum?"
It's rare that I'd get a student to demonstrate in front of everyone because they had already been socialized into what's "acceptable" behavior, especially at school in front of their peers.
So instead I'd do my best (as an adult even more socialized) to pretend to have a temper tantrum over wanting a cookie.
"But I want a cookie NOW!!!" I'd yell and stomp my feet, making fists and whining as much as I could allow.
The point was to help them get in touch with an essential part of the nature of being human: having emotions.
Most of us learn all kinds of subtle and overt ways of hiding how we're feeling. This is helpful to not get kicked out of a grocery store when they don have your favorite flavor of Doritos or have your partner move out when your sports team loses. But, most of us over correct and hide what we’re feeling, even from ourselves.
This is where writing can help us to uncover what we're stuffing down and let it all out.
It's less scary than you think.
The forth strategy that Natalie Goldberg teaches on how to write your fist thoughts is to allow yourself to lose control.
Let it all hang out.
Take the thoughts that you might barely even know you’re thinking flow out of your pen and onto the page.
I haven't mentioned this part yet, but I like to call this entire practice "the great brain drain." It's as if you're turning on the faucet of your thoughts and feelings and letting it drain down the pipes of your consciousness and out into the open. Remember, you have full permission to destroy it as soon as you're done. You don't even have to re-read it. Just get it out.
So, I'd love to know:
Have you experienced letting go just a little bit and writing what you're actually thinking? How did it go?
What are other ways that you allow yourself to lose control in your life? (I'd recommend many physical activities like dancing, swimming in the ocean, or sex as great practice in loss of control).
