What's saving me

Is it too surprising to read that it's been the darkest 6 months of my life?

Grieving over loss of dad, closing my commercial space, settling into a new place (the home where I grew up), drama with neighbors here more bizarre than I could imagine, saying goodbye to our dog, Gracie ... just so much.

But I'm still here.

I'm starting to get back to work, redefining what that means, rediscovering myself and what I have to offer in new ways.

Though, I've not felt on the most upward of spirals over the last half year, I'm learning to notice how curvy-winding, topsy-turvy this path is.

I’ve always said:

You can't control the spiral, just the direction it goes in.

But I now know there’s a second part to that:

You can't control the spiral, just the direction it goes in. But only for this moment.

Though I've experienced the most anxiety and depression I've experienced for many years, I've been determined to find things that can help me. However slowly. However imperfectly.

I have no doubt I'm not the only one here going through a dark night of the soul right now. Or at least a cloudy afternoon.

We’re also collectively going through a great transition, not to mention the pandemic + social unrest + election year fun we’ve had the last several months.

Though I don't know about you, but all least for me, the weight is starting to lift. Just a little.

So I wanted to share with you a few things that have been game-changers for me lately.

By "game-changers," I mean things that have in a few weeks time got me from struggling to do things like check in inboxes or even consider what 2021 might look like for me to being excited to put in some work hours everyday.

My life-savers right now:

• Online Dance Classes: Ever since we went into quarantine, I've been praying that what had become my home dance studio would go online. There's something about classes with Bird that make me want to fly! A few weeks ago my wish was granted and I'm finally back to dancing almost everyday. I'm even doing some one song dance breaks in between work tasks. Dance with me.

• Passion Planner Daily Sheets + Habit Tracker: I found myself needing a place to sort out all my thoughts for the day (besides my morning pages I'm religious about) so I could focus on one thing at a time. I stumbled across the Free Downloads on the Passion Planner website and have been rocking the Daily Sheets ever since. I've also found the Habit Tracker super useful for getting myself on track with things like walking, meditating, exercising, and practicing guitar most days. Pro-tip: Color your squares in rainbow order for extra delight! Jam on your planner too.

• Gelocity Gel Pens by Bic: It might sound like exaggerating that these pens have changed my life but I can't lie, it's so true. My mom got these as a gift and I took one look and knew I had to get me some. They have such a gentle glide, fast-drying ink, comfortable grip, and the 12 pack of colors brighten my day all day long. I swear I'm not a rep, just an enthusiastic user.

I’ll leave you with this:

In times of darkness, find the light.

In times of chaos, create some order.

When you feel weighed down, find what lifts you up.

Here's your reminder to allow yourself the time to find and then do the things that you love and enjoy, however simple or silly.

We need more people enjoying their lives, finding what fills them and allows their light to shine.

Are there things that you've found this year that help you find the light and order in this time of chaotic darkness?

Share your sources of light in the comments so we can all share together.

Get ready for the coming of the light and a new age for all of us next week with the Solstice and the Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn.

I do still believe, even with all of it, it is an exciting time to be alive.

Be well friends, and thank you for being here with me on the upward spiral.