It’s only been a few months since I’ve written a post here, and I don’t know about you, but to me it’s felt like multiple lifetimes.

We’ve entered into a global pandemic, which doesn’t seem to have any end in sight, and we’ve begun a long-overdue cultural revolution.

In light of so much of this, I haven’t known what to write.

I closed my massage practice in March and with so much more time on my hands, I’ve been able to think about the questions I’ve been asking myself since 2019.

How can I best be of service? How do I want to spend my time? How do I want to spend my days?

I’m reminded of this quote from Annie Dillard, which I realize now has been shaping my life these past few months:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days.

Taking my massage practice out of my life, I found myself feeling like what I REALLY want to do is continue on my movement journey, double down on my plant medicine studies, get better at gardening, and write.

And then this happened.

On Monday, June 8th, I just happened to see my phone ringing and heard my mom say, “It’s Dad. You need to come.”

My dad had already transitioned by the time she called me, though it wasn’t confirmed until he had been admitted to the hospital.

He had come home from his morning walk and collapsed. It was sudden, and a shocking devastation to myself and my mom.

One of the choices I’ve been forced to confront is the necessity to close my Seminole Heights location.

I had been hoping I could wait out the pandemic and still be able to reopen my massage practice there, but now it’s clear it would be quite some time before that could have happened.

Plus, I need to make space in my life for the grief process. For the dismantling of the life I once knew. For the rebuilding of the life I want to create.

The blessing is that in some ways the pandemic prepared me for these other life transitions, of losing my dad and letting go of my office.

Sometimes it’s easier to change many things at once than just one at a time.

For the first few weeks after my dad passed, I found myself feeling like I had just watched the world’s biggest typewriter imprint the dreaded period at the end of the sentence of his life. Or like I was reading his life story but didn’t know I had actually been reading the final chapter.

(I once had this experience with the podcast, S-Town, perhaps the best audio series ever created. There are only 7 episodes, but for some reason I thought there were 10. I was so sad to find out that it was over.)

It took me a few more weeks to realize that the final episode of my time at 6718 N. Nebraska Ave is about to air. This office has served me and so many others in the 5 years I’ve been here. It came into my life in a magical series of events, and I feel it was meant to be, no question.

But everything has a season and eventually those seasons come to an end.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be selling most of my essential oils and herbs as I prepare to move out of the building. I’ll also be selling much of the office furniture, so if you happen to need a reception desk, some bookshelves, or some classy comfy chairs, hit me up.

Though I’m closing the office, Upward Spiral is not closing. It’s evolving.

So am I.

I hope that’s true for you, too.