Forget the "But"s

When my client walked in, I asked how they were doing.

"I've been doing better, but ..." they trailed off into some explanation about how they aren't living up to their own standards.

Having worked with this client for years, I know their own self-judgements well. So I interrupted and said, "Wait a second here. You've been making improvements in your self-care? Let focus on that for one second and celebrate that before we go into how you're falling short."

Many of us jump straight to what's wrong, what needs to change, what isn't right. There's an explanation for why we do that; it's called negativity bias. It's a helpful thing our brain has learned to do to keep us alive, but it also causes us so much stress.

Next time you go to compliment yourself and quickly follow it with a "but," stop. Take a second to pause and instead celebrate whatever the first half of that sentence is. We don't celebrate what's working enough. Doing so will work wonders on your mental health and self-esteem.