Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day
/Feeling lonely? Reach out to your friends! Here are some ways to show love to people who aren't your partner … because they matter, too.
Read MoreFeeling lonely? Reach out to your friends! Here are some ways to show love to people who aren't your partner … because they matter, too.
Read MoreHow forgetting a line in a Mary Oliver poem helped me to remember the first rule in how to listen.
Read MoreAnother way that I've been learning to lighten up is by really tidying up, which means mainly learning to discard. The book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, has been instrumental in this process.
Yesterday, I began to work through my clothes, discarding everything that doesn't "spark joy" and only keeping what's left. It's now a joy to get dressed because I choose from only things I love.
One of the best parts of this experience was that the clothes I discarded just disappeared! Well, what really happened was that several of my female friends brought over a surprise birthday cake for my birthday. As we stood by the almost barricade of bags by the door, I asked if anyone wanted to look through some clothes. They ended up taking every bag with them! I secretly had hoped someone would just take them off my hands, and before I knew it, the floor was clear.
I'm beginning to believe there is magic in tidying. As we are willing to shed what is no longer a part of our lives, the universe stands up to help us in this process. By letting go, we make room for our lives as they are, not as they were or as we thought they should be.
A few weeks ago, on the night before my birthday, I wrote my good friend, Joe, an email. I've known Joe since 3rd grade, longer than I've known almost all of my friends. Joe and I were really close in high school and the first few years of college, but then he moved to Gainesville to be a serious scientist. Between school, work, and distance, we don't get to see each other as often as we did years ago. Still, when we do it's like no time has passed.
I wrote Joe this email the night before my birthday because I realized that I had not done what I had promised myself I would do: call him on his birthday. Joe's birthday is exactly a week before mine and even with our busy schedules and intermittent visits, Joe
always
calls to wish me a happy birthday. You know how often I've had the forethought to call him on his birthday? It's probably less than half the fingers on one hand. Sad.
So the last time I saw Joe I said, "I am calling you on your birthday this year." I made this big deal about it, even when he tells me, "Nyssa, it's no big deal." It was to me, I thought.
Fast forward a few months and I found myself the night before my birthday realizing that no phone call from me to Joe occurred within the week prior. Though I didn't keep my word I figured I'd do the next best thing and write him an email sharing how much our friendship means to me. I may not be able to remember to call at the right time, but I can express how I feel, and I thought that Joe would appreciate that more than a birthday wish.
And he did.
So today I found out from another really good friend of mine, who's also Joe's long-term girlfriend, that Joe was in a biking accident recently. Her email said that it wasn't too serious but that he did have to get surgery and metal plates in his face. Though I was shocked by this news, I was calmed by the word that it wasn't too serious.
I couldn't help but think of that email I sent him a few weeks ago and how I was so glad that I wrote it when I did. It was my reminder that things can get real serious, real fast, and birthdays or not, I better tell my friends I love them and that I'm glad they are still here.
Life may not give me any guarantees but that doesn't mean that I can't give it gratitude. I am thankful to be here at all. And I am thankful Joe is still here too.
My yoga teacher recommended I integrate my daily gratitude with my daily yoga practice. He said fill my heart with the gratitude I feel for your daily gratitude for the day, with each breath. So today I was about to begin my yoga practice and I hadn't yet decided on what I was going to post as my gratitude for the day. Then, just like that, the answer came.
My friend that I hadn't talked to in a while called, so I decided to answer it. We spent about 10 minutes catching up and he ended the call the same way he does every time we part; he said, "I love you."
Most often I've shared those words with my parents, when parting in person or on the phone, and also some family. I also share those words with my boyfriend and a few close friends. Only recently have I started to cherish it more and more each time.
It seems like more of my friends have initiated "I love you"s within the past few years. Maybe its that I'm older and have known more people longer, or we are all more mature and know that "I love you" doesn't = "I want to have sex with you," or I'm surrounding myself with more loving people. Maybe, shmaybe, I don't really care what it is, I just want to say I love it.
Recently I initiated "I love you" with someone I feel close with but had never spoke the words in person. It felt amazing. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. <3
Today I had to say "See Ya Later" ("good bye" just makes me sad) to a great friend of mine, Deb Muller. Tomorrow morning she embarks on a journey to travel, work, and discover. Her and her girlfriend, Cricky, have found new homes for most of their possessions, tied up their loose ends in Tampa, and have been asking themselves what they really what to experience in this life. So they are leaving everything they know to explore their passions. We all can take inspiration from that.
Deb has been instrumental in my yoga practice the past year and a half. When we first started to become friends she had just finished her yoga teacher training and really encouraged me to take that step in my life. She introduced me to LeShan, the teacher I am now working with, and supported me in my slow journey to beginning the training. Deb's yoga classes have been some of my favorite to attend and have helped me a lot in my practice.
But also Deb is a friend in the truest sense of the word. Maybe its the yoga, maybe it's just who she is, and probably a little bit of both. She is one of the few people that I feel really knows how to listen. Knowing that people like Deb are out in the world (even if it's out in the world away from where I am), I feel things are going to be okay.
Deb and Cricky started a blog to share on as they journey. Check out
. Follow them. Love them. I know I will!